Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
