the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i drank out of a bidet.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
