Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
