i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
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