so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
