Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
