I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
