before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize