Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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