And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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