I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
