When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
