I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
