Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
