i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
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That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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