you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
