The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
