There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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