what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
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It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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