I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
