Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
