Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
