At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
A bitchslap is in order.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
