I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
