she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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