Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
