I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
