Just fell off a train. Bad.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
