you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
