Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
