I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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