Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
