you would pick up someone in the library
My pussy is not your playground.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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