haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize