feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
