My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
