Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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