Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
