Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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