Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
