umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
