If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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