If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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