My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
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After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
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Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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