Betty ford says i'm here all night
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
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I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
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There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
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