I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You made out with two different species that night
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
