Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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