The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
