i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
