He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
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he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
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There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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