I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
