i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
