I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
