Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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