I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
