Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
