Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
