defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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