i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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