Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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