I wish I only lived at night.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
