ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
