This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
