Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
