this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
