and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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