Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
